Corn Bologna Boats

Alright, retro recipe fans. I’m assuming that you follow this blog mostly out of a desire to watch me taste-test ridiculous things, and poke fun at the bizarre brains behind them. (Yes, you may pretend it’s about an interest in food, but it’s really just culinary slapstick, isn’t it?) Recently, it seems like we’ve had higher-than-average palatability, which may be disappointing — so this week, we’re making something that just can’t be good.

Something that, when I pulled it up on the computer screen to make an ingredient shopping list, made Buzz cry out in horror.

CORN BOLOGNA BOATS

4 large crusty rolls
Barbecue sauce (all-purpose)
1/2 lb. small bologna (16 slices)
Aluminum foil
1 Tbsp. butter
3 green onions, sliced
1 stalk celery, diced
1 No. 303 can (17 oz.) DEL MONTE Brand Cream Style Corn
1 tsp. cumin (optional)
1/4 cup sliced ripe olives
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Slit rolls lengthwise almost to bottom, then to corners, as diagram shows. Spread open; brush crust and inside of each roll with 1 to 2 Tbsp. barbecue sauce. Fold meat slices in half; insert in corner slits. Foil-wrap; bake 15 min. at 400°. In butter, saute onions, celery. Add next 3 ingredients; heat hot. Stir in cheese; spoon into rolls.

These weren’t really the right rolls — I think they were wide enough, but were a little flat and so one of the bologna boats was more of a kayak.

Hmmmmm.

We started off trimming the rolls into “boats.” This was pretty haphazard, because too much and your boat would probably leak; too little and it wouldn’t be able to hold enough … corn.

And then barbecue sauce lightly brushed over the inside…

Well then.

I’ve never been a particular fan of bologna, although that’s probably due to a run of too many bologna sandwiches in fourth grade. I tend to find something moderately good, eat a lot of it for a while, and then stop eating it for months (or years) at a time. This has happened with yogurt, countless breakfast cereals, a few kinds of cheese… and apparently bologna.

Although admittedly I don’t much miss the bologna.

Why wrap them in foil to bake? No clue. Presumably something about not drying out. (Or, slightly more likely, a partnership with a foil-making company.)

Meanwhile, it’s time to start preparing the filling by sauteing some celery and onions.

And then, dump olives, creamed corn, and cumin on top of them. (FIND YOUR HAPPY PLACE!)

Once everything is warmed up, add the cheese and let it melt, and then dump this horrifying concoction into the waiting bologna boats.

I nearly fell out of my chair on the first bite. WHAT THE HELL? These tasted good! It’s an incredibly weird sandwich, and it’s not particularly easy to eat, but it was tasty!

(I am slightly concerned that my tastebuds have just given up on me, after all these bizarre retro recipes. “Sure, whatever, just tell her it’s delicious. She’s gonna eat weird food, might as well enjoy it.” Hmmm…)

Anyway, if you have a lot of bologna and creamed corn sitting around, and you’re looking for something to do with it, give Corn Bologna Boats a try. It’s so freakin’ crazy, it apparently works!

This nostalgic creamed corn craziness was shared on Flickr by bluwmongoose.